Grieve Well

Grieving Job and his friends.
Grieving Job and his friends.

Psalm 88-89

In our series on “Top Questions from the Pew,” the top question that came back from the congregation was: “What does God want me to do my grief?” It’s a very relatable issue because we all face it. We all go through it. So what does God say about it?

Raindrops. It’s interesting to me that this question even comes up. Actually, I think it indicates that we don’t talk about this enough or at all in public or smaller groups. We probably even assume that “happiness” is the standard, default emotion for Christian living. But the truth is that Christianity is not some “raindrops keep fallin’ on my head” happy-koolaid cult. The Scriptures put life in real terms. The Psalmist despairs, Jesus despairs, there is a whole book titled Lamentations. So when God has so much to say about grief, sorrow, sadness, and because we all go through it, we should be able to look to God’s word to answer the question:  What does God want me to do in my grief?

Preach Your Grief to the Lord.. (1-18)

The main point I want to make about Psalm 88 is that there is a Psalm 88. It really doesn’t need alot of explanation. It is just raw, desperate, grieving (vs18). And that’s amazing. Because the same book of the Bible that says Psalm 23, says Psalm 88. In other words, it’s OK to not be happy all the day. In fact, it’s Christ-like! Jesus grieved with disciples. Jesus grieved in the Garden. He wept at Lazarus’ tomb. There’s nothing wrong with sadness. And, as this is in the Bible from God to us, he expects us to have bits of despairing in our lives. But there is a godly way to grieve and an ungodly way to grieve.

Not at a Bar

Notice he’s not going to a bar to drown his sorrows, to the river to fish them away, to a job to work ‘em away, to a man/woman to romance them away. He bears his soul to the Lord. God put Psalm 88 in His Word so that His people would channel their grief to Him. Listen now, God expects to hear from you about them. So tell it to the Lord.

Why don’t we? But I think we don’t grieve like Psalm 88 because we think that unhappy feelings are wrong to have. “Godly people are happy!” So we tell ourselves to “Just put on a happy face.” We’re ashamed to grieve. It’s the same reason that we rarely hear someone say something in prayer groups like: “I need someone to pray for me because I can’t control my gossiping, lying, foul mouth.” We are ashamed for people to see us weak. That kind of thing is unfortunate and sinful. The reality is: it is as taboo to not confess sin to each other as it is to be sad in the family of God. So we pretend our sadness never exists, or just avoid it.

But what does the hymn tell us to do:

Are you weary, are you heavy hearted? Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus. Are you grieving over joys departed? Do you fear the gathering clouds of sorrow? Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus. Are you anxious what shall be tomorrow? Tell it to Jesus alone. Tell it to Jesus.” We need a little more Psalm 88. What do you do with your grief? Bear it honestly, openly to the Lord.

Preach God’s Love to Yourself. (Psalm 89)

Look at the pattern of this psalm.

You have faithful love forever. (1-2) Faithful love.

And you said you’d make a covenant with your people (3-4).

Everybody, all creation knows your faithfulness (5-18).

And you said you’d make a covenant (35) by your holiness (19-37).

Now, do you see what’s happened…(38-51)? The people of your promise, are being destroyed…have you have renounced your covenant (39)? The psalm, then, ends with the appeal “If you’re faithful, do something!”

On a sidenote: You ever felt this way before? “I’m just sitting out here trying to do your will and all this crazy started happening to me. I’m upset, frustrated, confused, angry.” Can I tell you something? I want you to know that that is totally normal. There isn’t anything wrong with you. This is your psalm. But you’ve got to learn to do the whole psalm.

Notice with me three things about Preaching God’s love in Psalm 89.

  • The psalmist still expects God to show his love.

This is a desperation psalm, but it’s a desperation that has faith in the character of God (46-50). Notice, that He’s still praying. God never said we wouldn’t go through the valley of the shadow – the psalmist never questions, in fact, that it was God who did all this to his people (not the devil, not demons, not pagans (38-45, “You…You…You) – he just promised he’d provide a rod and a staff, the power of his presence, while we are there. Shadrach, Meshac, and Abednego weren’t excited to get marched to the furnace; my guess is that they thought the day before, “Why would God allows this to happen.” I’m sure they got worried when their guards passed out and died from the heat on their way to shoving them in the fire; they shed a few sad, sorry, tears. But what calmed them through it all and what brought them through the fire, was their confidence, even through sorrow, of the faithful love of God. Ethan the Ezrahite prays because he knows God is faithful, even when he feels he’s in the fire.

  • The psalmist ends in praise to God (52).

After all that, he asks, “May the Lord be praised forever.” You ever had an argument with your spouse over the phone. “You’re wrong. No you’re wrong…Well, you’re crazy. We’ll deal with this when I get home. OK, I love you, goodbye!” Now, wait a minute, yall just reamed each other out. “I love you” doesn’t make any sense. What’s going on there? The spouses have a habit of acknowledging that there’s something here that supercedes their momentary anger. The frustration the feel in the moment occurs in the much bigger context of their love for each other.

Verse 52 is not an arbitrary, final verse. Shares language from verse 1. All this frustration is real, but the psalmist knows the context of his pain is the certainty of God’s love. That’s why he can praise him.

The reason we can see clouds is because there’s a sun behind them. You wouldn’t see clouds without the sun and moon shining behind them. The reason you can know the clouds of grief will last just for a season, is because you know the sun-shining God behind it.

  • The Psalms end in Adoration of God.

The Book of the Psalms are edited into 5 books. Psalm 88-89 ends the 3rd book.  And the third anticipates the 5th.  The editor of the psalms knows something at Psalms 88-89 that you don’t, unless you get to Psalm 150. This, this is just the middle of the story.

You ever get into a movie or book and stop in the middle? Snow White would be depressing. Ah, she’s dead in a house in the woods with 7 bachelor dwarves. Narnia, the Lion’s just dead. Ah, the witch wins; why’d I ever pick up this book? You’ve got to go on if you want to know how it all works out. Well, your grief, is the middle of the story. Now, you want to stay there and waller or you want to live like you know the ending? Psalm 88-89 ends in grief in book 3, but the rest of the story ends in praise, glory, and beauty in book 5, of griefs turned to glory.


In the same way, He puts us into grief, for his purposes. Now, hear me. I don’t have God’s 20/20 vision. I don’t know what your life in this age will look like. But I do know that if God is willing to send Noah through a flood to inherit a promise of a new world, Israel through the wilderness to inherit the promise of a new land, and Jesus through a crucifixion to a promise of a crown, he may very well send you through a temporary darkness to receive a promise of “joy unspeakable and full of glory.”

It’s OK to grieve. God expects it. So give it to Him. But believers don’t grieve like there isn’t a Sun. May take time to go away, but the light and heat of God’s love always scatters the clouds of our darkest times. You just hold on, and keep going. And remember, that it was by persistence that the snail made it to the Ark. Same persistence that drew Jesus, even to the cross of pain, for on the other side, was a crown of glory.

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